http://www.more.com/2051/13147-being-stacy-s-mom
A couple quotes to pique your interest:
But what was I supposed to do now? If my daughter had become the hottie in the house, then what was I, aside from her chauffeur? My personal definition of good mothering has always included not just supporting my daughter but stepping aside for her. When she made the basketball team I went from being knowledgeable former player to mom in the stands, cheering her efforts; it was unthinkable that I would bellow free throw tips from the bleachers or do anything else to show her up. Yet when it seemed time for me to sit down in the stands and play frumpish, middle-aged mom, I balked.and:
“I was doing the wash and I found a bunch of thongs that weren’t mine,” she said. “I couldn’t figure it out. Then I realized—they belonged to Chloe! I knew I hadn’t bought them for her. I marched into her room and asked her what was going on, and she said that all the other girls in her class wore them. Before I could say, ‘But you’re not all the other girls, are you?’ she said, ‘You wear them.’ What was I supposed to say to that?” Apparently, the conversation ended there and then; my pal’s response was to toss out all her tiny, lacy red G-strings and purchase two dozen white cotton Jockey for Her briefs.
There are many examples of mothers succeeding or failing at this balance in pop culture, movies, celebrity families, etc. In his shows aimed at teenagers (The OC and Gossip Girl), Josh Schwartz usually gives the parents some of their own relationship drama, and it occasionally clashes with the interests of the teenage sons and daughters. In 13, we saw how a mother's dating habits can be difficult and even traumatic for her daughter. Melanie also struggles to appear "cool" and to be accepted by Evie and Tracy.
How do you balance effective parenting with likability? When is an appropriate time to bring a new boyfriend or girlfriend home to meet your kids? What personal sacrifices should a parent be expected to make for well-being of their children, in terms of their own happiness? Some other pop culture examples to consider: Weeds, 40 Year Old Virgin, Mean Girls, American Pie-- and I'm sure you can think of many more.
And, in closing, one of my favorite unfortunate mother-daughter duos. I like to hope that maybe Taylor Momsen's mother just dresses like a ridiculous teenager and doesn't act like one, but one really has to wonder:
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/32781494.html
My Mom certainly doesn't fall into the "cool mom" (or "cool mom wannabe") category. She is decidedly un-cool. Just the same, I don't think this exempts her from feeling left out or having trouble letting go as her kids get older.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if many un-cool moms deal with this challenge by refusing to acknowledge the growth and maturity of their children. I often feel that my Mom is unable to face the fact that I don't need her for everything anymore, that I don't need to be told what to do and how to do it, and basically that I can manage most aspects of my life independently. She still nags me (and my brother and sister) about things we have to do, over and over and over, even after I've made note of my responsibilities. It drives me crazy, because I have demonstrated for years that her intervention is unnecessary (and at this point, frankly, insulting).
I don't think it's just my Mom's problem, though. My Dad reports similar tension when he visits his parents, my grandparents, because "when you go home you become a kid again." Obviously, he's not saying he feels younger; he's saying he gets talked-down-to and chided.