"What has complicated things recently is that girls are literally getting older younger. Their bodies are hitting physical maturity sooner, often before they are ready to deal with the issues of sexuality that go along with it.
Even though I had seen 'Thirteen' before, I still felt such shock (and much stronger emotions) when watching it in class last week. I really can't believe Tracy and Evie were meant to be in the 7th grade! It's amazing (and terrifying) the way in which kids go into sixth grade looking like babies and come out of middle school looking like Evie. The article from Time that I referenced above is titled, 'The Truth About Teen Girls" and is incredibly relevant to a lot of the themes in the film, especially in relation to that experience of newness with sexuality that often comes in middle school. Did Tracy even view what she was doing in a sexual way (i.e. did she feel genuinely interested), or was she just doing what she thought was socially acceptable? It’s interesting to think that kids are often just imitating what they see in the media and what their peers are doing, and likely don’t yet have the hormones or feelings to go with the way in which they’re presenting themselves. So, what’s a parent to do?
The first time I saw the film I most identified with the young girls, but watching it the second time around (and the first time was years ago) I was better able to understand and connect with Tracy's mom. While she missed of red flags, her relentlessness, as Tom said in class, was something that really struck me at the movie's end. Because adolescence is still a present state for me, I can most easily understand Tracy's frame of mind, but being older and more mature than my first years in adolescence (when I first saw the film), I now more greatly understand Tracy's mom, who was really struggling and just so sad all on her very own. She needed her own help, yet was still doing everything she could to be a good mother. Of course Tracy never saw it that way, but I know in time she will/would. I made a short attempt to locate research on the time frame in which children first start seeing their parents as “real” people, when they finally realize they’re truly wiser (and at the same time just as flawed as the rest of the adult world), but I didn’t come up with anything. It was a strange moment for me with my parents—have others had this revelation yet?
"What has complicated things recently is that girls are literally getting older younger. Their bodies are hitting physical maturity sooner, often before they are ready to deal with the issues of sexuality that go along with it."
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1840556-1,00.html
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1840556,00.html#ixzz0kIVOi44g
I wanted to respond to the opening claim: that we idolize youth and sexiness, but recoil when we witness "sexed-up" young people. In America, it seems, such conflicting demands are all too common.
ReplyDeleteAs a man at Vassar--and, even more unusual, in this seminar--I sometimes feel the dominant discourse revolves around women (this may be strictly a function of the gender imbalance). For example, I have found myself in situations where the "safe" attitude is "down with patriarchy."
Certainly, women are unfairly expected to present themselves as sexually appealing but also pure and virginal. But, although I don't advocate gendered hierarchy one way or the other, I think the exponents of such attitudes may be unaware of the mounting adversity facing men. I believe men today are increasingly called to negotiate and incorporate disparate gender ideals.
Prof. B. has mentioned that she thinks there is an emerging need for "Men's Studies," or some other academic treatment of the issues facing men. She points out that men today are expected to project masculinity (boys don't cry), while remaining sensitive to peers and the needs of their significant other. This is, in my impression, a reasonably new expectation.
I would argue that things were considerably easier for (white) men half a century ago. We could have careers, and, before feminism, women pretty much had to stay at home and do our bidding. We could be assertive without having to worry about repercussions. Even the positive qualities of the 1950s man would now be regarded chauvinist and condescending. But even as men are called upon to loosen their strangle-hold on power/respect in society and in the home, they are still expected to be the source of unassailable strength and security. It remains unacceptable to be a puling weakling.
Meanwhile, as Prof. B. has also pointed out, the roles available to women have expanded prodigiously. Not only have women "infiltrated" all ranks of the private sector, but it is not unusual to meet a girl who wears clothes designed for men, wears her hair short, or spends her time outdoors or playing sports. I would be naive to suggest that the experience of women in America is now completely free of disadvantage and prejudice; but surely it has gotten a lot better?
American society is far from perfect. In essence what I'm saying is that contradictory gender standards have not disappeared for women, but have emerged for men. Is it preferable to hold both sexes to unfair gender standards, rather than just one? I don't know. But what's clear is that the convergence of male-female gender scrutiny ought to win support for Prof. B.'s suggestion, and we ought to dispense with this threadbare notion that being male in America is a walk in the park.
... I got carried away with the other point, and forgot to respond to the "parents as real people" revelation.
ReplyDeleteIn class, I think someone said they had just recently had the revelation. I think it clicked for me back in high school, because a lot of sh*t hit the fan around that time. To touch only on the high points, I was swayed in my decision of high schools by Mom's opinion--a choice that had disastrous personal consequences and eventually led to my controversial expulsion in November of my senior year. In other words, my Mom steered me in the wrong direction entirely. I'm sure she wanted what was best for me, but she was wrong. Around the same time, ten or so years of bickering came to a head with my parents separation, and it became clear that in fact their marriage had been rocky from the start, and my Mom had been pretty young and stupid (as A-Rod says) when they tied the knot. For example, they met each other on holiday in Greece. They married after spending probably about 3 months total in each others' company. It was clear to me even in high school that Mom and Dad did not possess the decision-making acumen I had previously ascribed to them.
I expect the revelation is usually a scary one--"Oh, my God, this infallible source of guidance and wisdom I've been relying on is actually just as clueless as me!" But in my case, because of things like what I've described above, the revelation just seemed sad, because it was way too late to change anything. My life had already been derailed in part by their decidedly human decision-making, and that was the grim reality, and I had to pick up the pieces and start making my own choices.
This revelation remains central to my relationship with my parents today.